there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
