um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
