Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
