OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
