it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
