And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize