I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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