Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
