I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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