Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
