Little spoons don't ask big questions
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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