What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
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