P.S. I can't hear my feet
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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