I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
