My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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