did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
