apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
