He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
