You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
