oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
