who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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