I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
