i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
