don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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