I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
