she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
