Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
