So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
