I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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