I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
