So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
