Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
