I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
