Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
