Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
