Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
