That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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