she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
