We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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