Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
