it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Welp...herpes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
