AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
