I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
