i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
