my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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