it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
