Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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