Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my liver is dry heaving
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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