i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
