i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
