Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You are the jesus of drinking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
