Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
