the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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