I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
