Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
