I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
