Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
