I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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