you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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