dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
