those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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