guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
