how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize