Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
